I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This house was built for laser tag.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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