I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
