my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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