he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
