i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
