I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
