I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
