did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
