It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
