My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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