Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
