My sheets look like a crime scene.
I look better un-naked...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
