flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
