I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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