see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
