I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
