just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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