She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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