oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
