Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize