im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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