swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
