i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
