how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
