Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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