In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
