she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
