So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
