now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
