All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
