we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
