he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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