All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
