explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
