I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
