i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
