i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
