Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
