a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
