why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
