Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
