She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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