You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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