You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
