1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
