Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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