well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
