how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
