i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
