whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
