Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
