omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
