dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
