it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
