Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
