Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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