Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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