I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
