So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
