the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
