Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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