I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
