Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
