I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
