That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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