he wants to bone in the snuggie
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
