just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
