Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
