he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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