Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
