I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
