Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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