You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
