Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
