I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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