OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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