also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thus making me awesome and them whores
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
