gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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