He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
