i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
