i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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