I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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