see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
