____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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